Breaking the Mama’s Heart

Her eyes were dancing as she proudly announced her big news…
“Next year we are going to get a place together”

My heart skipped a beat, (ok, several)  but my face tried not to show it.

I hadn’t even met this boyfriend of 4 months.

Good grief girl! You’re only 18!
What in the world are you thinking!!

But the deep profound wisdom of Thumper the rabbit ran through my mind.
“If you can’t say nuthin nice, don’t say nuthin at all”

But really!
What is a mommy to do?!

My first response was self condemnation. It comes way to frequently to me.
I guess I’m an easy target.

Somehow, this had to be my failure.
Obviously I did not do something right!

The girl was raised in church,  we had family devotionals, she went to camp, youth convention…

Had I not made my opinion on purity and the importance of marriage clear?

I think there’s even a copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye somewhere around here.
I think I even read it. I think we even read it TOGETHER~

But  the heartbreaking truth was that this child had fought me, and all that was important to our home for longer than I remember.

Every part of me wanted to writhe and flail.
I might have been keeping my tongue from exploding, but my mind was doing somersaults.

I wanted to grab her and some how magically, brilliantly enunciate to her how every choice has a consequence and usually sooner more than later.

I wanted to explain to her that living together is a death kiss to self-respect, honour and the relationship.

I wanted her to understand how passions of the flesh may be thrilling at first, but soon it leaves you an empty shell.

I wanted her to look at me, see the light go on in her eyes, and have her say “oh, thank you mommy… I never knew that”, kiss me on the cheek and go dump the boy.

But I didn’t. And she didn’t.

Truth was, she had heard this all before in the past 18 years, and she is choosing to see it as unimportant information for her life right now.

I may have been standing on the outside, but inside I was crumbling.

Ok, here I am.. I’m in a moment…I remind myself.

I want to scream, run and cry… but I don’t.

I’ve been trained.  I know my keys and I work my tools.

I remind myself of who the  God of the universe says my daughter is.
Those promises I had already put before my eyes,  I screamed them outloud in my heart.

This is her! This is the TRUTH!

Bible scriptures that I memorized since she was a wee thing, And I choose to believe it.

I remind myself of what God tells me about my family and his promises
She does have a destiny to fill and she is precious.

Next I remind myself how much I love her.
I love her so much I ache.

I love her so much that, since she moved out on her own, I lay awake at night think about how much I love her.
But still compared to my tiny love,  how hugely God loves her.

And him, Yes, him… This boy with out a face

This boy who has stolen my daughters heart, and bewitched her.

Yes, he too is loved hugely.
Loved beyond anything he could ever comprehend and now, for however long, he is part of my world.
Now, he must be loved by me. He is a son, a precious son, who also has a destiny but who does not know who he is.
He has been lied to and stolen from.

I find my heart softening.
God please provide me opportunities to help him learn who he truly is.
God please, use me to love him.

Yes, the opportunities will come.  God has promised me.
I have to love him, and  her, with all that is not in me, but with all that is in Him.
I have to be His hands and feet to do that. Can I do it?

This is my baby… this could be such a heart wrenching disaster for her.

Can I extend grace so that this boy can encounter a living real God?
Do I know this real living God well enough to show him?

Can I love her in my own personal heartbreak and disappointment.

Its His kindness that leads to repentance. Romans 2:4

I stood looking at this young woman before me.
She was standing beside the Christmas tree that I use to find her slithering under at nights, trying to peek at the presents.
The same tree that we sat around and sung songs,  prayed for each other and took communion.

While the wrestle inside seemed like forever, but it was only a moment, then peace rose up in me.

I was still in “Thumper” mode; Bless key #3 was working well; I’m keeping my mouth shut!
But Bless Key #1 and 2,  had been working quietly in my heart.

Yes, repentance will come.Yes, she will serve God.
Yes, he will encounter the hands and feet and love of God.

Yes, somehow in this and in my family God will get the glory.

What about Key #4 and 5?
Would I actually be able to love on and put this young man first?  Could anything possibly be sown into his heart that would touch him?  Can I, the protective mommy-bear do that? Or would I chew him up and spit him out?

Well, I will have to meet this young man first.
But now I find  myself strangely  excited.

I keep thinking of ways to bless him. Christmas was over. Was there anything under the tree for him? Oh Jo!!! How could I have forgotten!!
Is it too late to run out?

Out!  Yes, out!  Maybe start with an evening out?
Yes! Supper and a movie for everyone.
Brilliant! How fun!

I can’t wait.

That is what these keys do, folks.
They will change you. Right before your eyes. They will free you from anger and heartache.

You can have peace no matter what you are facing AND the tools to change what you are facing.

When you let these keys work your heart triumphs over anything.

It is power beyond anything on earth.

I didn’t condone her decision. I’m sure she knew I wouldn’t.
But I was humbled that she chose to be honest with me.

When my words finally came, I know it gave her courage as she left  to step out again into that big scary world she is trying to find her place in.

“Baby girl, I love you no matter what. Merry Christmas”

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