Is there a secret formula to having a happy teenager?
It would be every pooped parent’s dream come true.
If only we could get our hands on a magic wand, get inside our adolescent’s unhappy moods, and poofity-poof!
Voila!
Vanished are the stuck out lips and stomping feet.
Surprise… the magic wand doesn’t exist.
But, I have been picking up some clues and putting a few things together for you.
I have noticed some distinctly different stages a youth walks through and it just so happened I have three teen’s in three different stages of teen-ness.
I have a boy, who has just became the proverbial teenager; leaving tween years and elementary school behind and stepped through the doors of Junior High (Middle School) for the first time.
I have a daughter, 19, who has completed high school, left her mama’s home, and is beginning to create her own.
I have a third child, another daughter, who turns sweet sixteen this year.
A different adolescent mile stone.
For this blog series, I sat all three of them down, and asked them this one question:
In this time of your life, what could your mom either~
- do,
- or NOT do,
- or HAS done
- or HASN`T done
that would make these years HAPPIER?!?!?
In my previous post I picked my 13-year-old son’s brain. (and, wow, he HAD OPINIONS)
Now my sweet sixteen steps into the interrogation seat.
HAPPY TEENAGER CASE STUDY #2 -
Sixteen Year Old Female
Let’s paint a picture of her world:
Summer- Grace is turning sixteen.
She has stepped out of Junior high, into High School.
She is dealing with more deadlines, andfeeling the pressure of grades and expectations.
She is surrounded by the pressure of choosing a career, and building her final academic years around that choice.
She has gotten her first part-time job, and is learning to serve, face to face with customers of all ages, handle money, and submit to an employer.
She is handling her own money.
She is paying some of her own bills and purchasing her own recreation.
She sits through Sex-Ed classes.
Nothing is hid, the girlish naivety is gone.
Her body had begun to change in junior high, but now the transformation is complete.
Driver’s Education begins up in Manitoba at 16 years of age.
She will soon have her own access to go where she wants, while having the potential life and death responsibility staying safe on the roads.
Boys with trucks begin to call around.
Peers her age are very actively and openly involved in sex, drugs/ alcohol and delinquent or illegal activity.
She, wanting more privacy, invests her own money into her own phone, and begins to hide away in her room talking to people her parents have never met.
This girl has some very different, choices and responsibilities and pressures from the life of Junior High.
Not a stereotypical teenage girl as my little ray of sunshine, does admit to having a “happy” time, so far.
This was her thoughts on how a parent can make her time happier~
1. Say No to Nagging~
This one also made her brother’s number one spot.
She was referring specifically to that dreaded chore list and basic tidy expectancy around our house.
Now I love the girl to pieces, but I will be the first to admit, tidy she is not.
But I know she has alot on her mind.
When she`s not at her job, she`s in her room with her nose in the books.
Sixteen is busy, and mom nattering for her to wash her plate could become that proverbial last straw.
I let chores slide.
I remind myself, while I’m still picking up after her now, that in two more years, I’ll be missing her little messes.
2. Don’t Cross that Meddle Line~
Friendships, peer groups, cliques, “the gang” are huge in high school.
The kids rely on them for support, fun and self affirmation.
But her message was clear: “Mom, don`t be so snoopy.”
Its awkward for a teen to have their comrade-in-arms go under mom’s microscope and the child doesn’t want to hear mom’s character critique of their friends.
“Mom, you were willing to be friends with my friends, and get to know them.”
Always a good Method of Operation when engaging with teenagers.
3. Let Em Shoot for the Stars~
“Ya, I tried a bunch of different things in school, that didn`t work out like badminton and volley ball. But you let me keep trying out and doing stuff”
Stats and studies indicate that having a goal to reach is a big contributor to a sense of happiness.
There are a lot of options out there for young adults to try.
And, the hard truth is, parents, that when our kids want to do alot of different things, we are the ones that pay.
Both in dollars and the committment to transport them back and forth; and back and forth; and back and forth.
But don’t faint and get weary. Let them try it all.
Their eyes can almost be too big for their stomach, so to speak, but its better to let them do it, flop, and have the experience than never to try it at all.
4. LAUGH~
“Mom, we laugh ALOT. About everything. It makes it funner”
Truly laughter is the best medicine.
And we do a lot of it in our house.
Remember, kids this age are S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D!
Help take the load off by lightening up a little…. or a lot if the case needs.
5. Whats Yours Is Mine~
Alot of sharing goes on in our house and apparently it im
pacts my teenage girl enough to give it a place in her HAPPY at HOME List.
Its true. We share a lot.
We slurp each others drinks, chomp on each other`s hamburgers.
Shoes, clothes, all of it.
We don’t let too many things that we own, own us.
So if something brings two people joy I figure I’m getting double my money’s worth.
6. Don`t Pry~
All this sharing and joking around may break down some barriers but you need to know when to butt – out.
“Mom, if I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it”
PERIOD.
Respect them enough to give them that space.
If the house is a close, happy, sharing, laughing house, the odds are that if they need to talk, they will come.
7. Hellooooooo? The World is Not All About YOU~
Miracles DO HAPPEN!
Oh me of little faith!
I couldn’t believe I was hearing it from her mouth to my ears!
My kids were raised in church and with the understanding that life is bigger than what they can see with their eyes.
Now, my teenage daughter is telling me that, it helps give her peace and happiness.
It appears that some sort of belief in something bigger than themselves, gives them a moral foundation, a better understanding of people, and a reminder that in the craziness of it all, she has a purpose and a destiny.
YES SHE DOES! What a girl you are, Summer! Thank you so much for that.
8. *Freebie from Mom*
Don`t quit parenting.
Giggle and share all you like but never waver on being a parent to bend over and be a friend.
During our chat, Summer told me how much it secured her to have a background with a spiritual roots.
She also told me she was thankful that the same roots gave her some very defined boundaries.
As much as they say they want no boundaries, kids still want them. And are looking to us to enforce them.
I found at this older age, it really helped to keep enforcing the boundaries by explain to them why the boundaries are there.
Most of the time it was for safety reasons, or for character development.
These guys are pretty smart.
They usually connect the dots, and if rules and guide lines have a reason, a goal or a result that will benefit THEM it is apt not to be so unreasonable in their eyes.
READ MORE >>>
Do you want to know what my “boy with the opinion” had to say?
CLICK HERE to hear a 13 yr old’s thoughts on being HAPPY at HOME!
What comes after 16? The 19 year old shares her HAPPY THOUGHTS here
Now its your turn!
Who out there has raised teenage girls and lived to tell about it?
Do us a favor, sit them down, and ask them…..
“What makes a HAPPY TEENAGER?”
They might surprise you and tell you what YOU DID RIGHT!
Then hit that COMMENT BUTTON and let us all know!
(PLEASEEEE…. We REALLY Want to Know)
Filed under: Happy Home Tagged: | Chasing God, happy, parenting, single parenting, Success, teenagers
